Jack and Jill, according to the WB Database, mined from over 2,000 sources, including their medical records, internet browsing history, shopping patterns recorded via bar code scan, credit history, video rentals, satellite surveillance, and Homeland Securities files, supplemented with onsite visits from the American Minutemen are:
Straight
White
Broke
College educated (2 year schools)
Read at 6th grade level
Employed as (Jill) Dental Hygienist and (Jack) payroll clerk
Combined income $67,000
Net worth, $5,000 consisting of equity in Hummer
They rent an apartment in the suburbs of Chicago. They attend the Church of Prosperity, where he sings in the choir.
He suffers from premature ejaculation, male pattern baldness, periodic migraines, night sweats, bloody stool (from an undiagnosed aliment) and chronic depression alleviated by Prozac. She is in love with her boss, the dentist, and is three months pregnant with his love-child. Their daughter, Mindy, died last year, falling into a well while the family was vacationing with Jill's parents in Wisconsin. Jill has a cancerous lesion caused by years of sun-bathing. She has no health insurance, and has postponed medical action, pending her winning the state lottery.
Jack and Jill's credit score is low. Their projected retirement income is below the poverty level unless they begin saving 27% of their income now. Their credit card debt is $35,000.
Consumer confidence is up, and Jack and Jill are no exception.
I think they almost ran me over with that Hummer on Milwaukee Avenue. Lately it seems that SUVs are the most likely to resent the few square feet of road space my bicycle takes and endanger me on my daily commute to the Loop. I've taken to refering to them as SUV terrorists.
Just the other day, there was an SUV that I must have passed a dozen times, back and forth and so I kept seeing this window graphic on the back, Calvin of Calvin and Hobbs pissing on the words "Bin Laden". I wanted to to explain to them how they have that exactly backwards. He is pissing all over you and your gas guzzling SUV, and you are too stupid to realize.
Could the Bin Laden and his friends asked for a better venue for their initiative than post Sadam Iraq?
Posted by: Gerry | August 07, 2005 at 09:41 PM
Jack and Jill's richer friends may be in for a nasty surpise. Jack and Jill themselves can join the Dignity Batallions and keep public order once the unforeseen contigencies eliminate their jobs. Their road rage training will come in handy.
Posted by: Harry | August 07, 2005 at 11:09 PM