Speaking for Myself

After the original author function died, back in October of 2002, hacked to death, an apparent suicide in his cell, while under the protection of the Wealth Bondage Security Administration, the characters here took on lives of their own. In response to the growing unrest, I was recently appointed Deputy Editor by Candidia Cruikshanks to police the comment section, and to keep the Dumpster Dwellers in line.  It has not been easy. And, on a day to day basis The Happy Tutor has been more a hindrance than a help since he tends to side with the Dumpster Dwellers against the duly constituted authorities. So, I am here, six guns loaded, to keep Wealth Bondage safe, protect the personal property of those who have it, and to encourage grassroots giving among the Dumpster Dwellers to free up Candidia's philanthropic capital for more important social ventures like building out the Town Jail to accomodate prisoners of conscience, and promoting Freedom Worldwide. So, no back talk. Let's keep it positive. Philanthropy is the name of my game.  A little satire goes a long way when you are trying to cultivate wealthy people for The World We Want. Getting money out of these selfish bastards is hard enough without my having to listen to your snickering comments. So if you Dumpster Trash can't keep your damn mouths shut, I am taking you in, dead or alive.

Comments

[Cackety Dishwitz]

Um, not to be cheeky, but that World We Want link returns a not found error. Now, back to The Playhouse before Albert smacks the shit out of me...

[The Happy Tutor]

I will fix it, but certainly there is a parable in this somewhere. Back to the Playhouse Peewee.

[JJ Commoner]

Two words ... managed calm.

You don't want to go into addressing "root causes" now, do ya ?

[The Deputy Author Function]

The root cause is the resentment of losers for their betters, and you are damn right I mean to address it. About time you Dumpster types had an attitude adjustment.

[JJ Commoner]

as always, you got it right .. .fit in or fuck off. Not really a hard choice for me, as my attitude already sucks big time. Your adjustment instrumens will blunt themselves upon it.

[Deputy Editor]

Those who have dropped out of the system do represent a threat of sorts, however marginal. My keeping your sort off the premises and out of earshot of the wealthy donors in our scene rooms is my primary responsibility as Deputy Editor. We must preserve the integrity of Wealth Bondage.

[JJ Commoner]

Ban or block me then ... otherwise, your words are empty threats, DE.

In fact, make that action an announcement and a press release ... your donors will appreciate your clarity and strength.

[Deputy Editor]

Ah, JJ, I had expected more from you as a man of the world. Dumpster Dwellers are not excluded, they are simply not invited to the safe places convened in secluded areas, such as Aspen. The noise of the riffraff is passed over in silence. They are not seen, any more than are the pan-handlers outside the hotel. You will be neither banned nor blocked, rather your outburts and frustration will serve as a lesson to the others. In time you will weary of being excluded, insulted, rebuffed, and ignored. Why not just watch Survivor Island or Trump's Apprentice and imagine that you have a future. Just stay on your side of the Velvet Rope. When you are needed inside to help our donors with their management plans and incentive plans for their subordinates, I will fetch you.

[ahfukit]

Did someone say 'fetch'?

Look, I found the first amendment and now I bring it back:

Owooooooooooooooo

Mad laughter.

[Deputy Editor]

Beyond that for self-expression some try hunger strikes.

[ahfukit]

What I take you cannot give. What you give I cannot take.

What I give... ((wet fart)) ...you are welcome to.

Mad laughter.

[JJ Commoner]

empty words .. money, position and power protect you, you think.

Velvet ropes usually turn into various forms of celice or are sold for pennies at bankruptcy auctions. And when you call to fetch, no real one or no real thing will be there ... have a blast in zombie-land.

whatever .. you got no balls, dude, just a deluded credit-card or trust-fund sustained self-image. Any self-respecting sheriff would make it a point of honor to keep me out o' town.

[JJ Commoner]

.. like in Las Vegas. That town recently took the first step. Now, that town council's got balls, and the sheriff there will go around with them dangling off his or her badge.

That's author-itative, I'd say. You obviously can't match them cojones. Pathetic and weak, mealy-mouthed.

[Pushpin]

"For 35 years, I represented reputed mobsters and was never afraid to go to court," he said, "and I am not afraid to go to court against the A.C.L.U."

Big brass ones indeed. I'd drink his spit from a public fountain -- if they'd let me.

[Deputy Editor]

Roust them out of the Dumpsters too.

[Mark]

I’m doing a political satire site, posting blogs under two alter personas: Tom Toburn, a party-line stenographer a la Fox News, and Terri Firma, a clear-eyed reporter of truth a la Amy Goodman of Democracy Now. Pundit news analysis satire pieces. It’s www.wahingtonbeltsider.com (perfect for blog rolls…but I digress…)

[Happy Tater]

Just take this one and change the names. It's for lease. Cheap.

[Trepan Chorus]

Sawzeetch Sawzeetch The Mistress Wants Sawzeetch

[flipper]

Calling Rachel Tension
Calling Rachel Tension
Come-in Rachel Come-in

fuck... voice mail.

[Tater Tot]

Grrrrrr... Rowr Rowr Rowr!!

[flipper]

Yaiiiiieee...!   Shit!

[Tutor]

I like the concept, Mark.