They say Bigfoot stalks the North woods. Now, the Author Function, has, allegedly, been sited staggering about drunk, at a focus group for the Democratic National Committee. To clarify, I am not the Author Function; he died some time ago, an apparent suicide hacked to his death while in the protective custody of Homeland Security. I, The Author, am the real deal. I am author of the Author Function, and all the characters in Wealth Bondage. I read their minds. I am Omnisicient, and, being Godlike, I expect to run for Decider when the President steps down. It is true I like to drink, now and again, and the only Elephant I think about is pink. My bio is still a work in progress and will be released soon, once we find a replacement for the Author Function. My problem is I can't write for shit. I am strictly an idea man, a big picture thinker. I know I am Omnisicient, and I believe I am Omnipresent and Triune, but beyond that my memory is vague. As for the Author Function cited by Scruggs and et alia, I only wish he were real. The chances of his having risen from the dead are pretty slim. There are a lot of Author Function types out there, what with the amount of literature in existence, but they are mostly phantasms, by-products of the Text, thrown up by the reader's imagination. Scrugg's and et alia's sighting is probably just another case in point.