Posted by The Happy Tutor
Angry Friend (who writes about philanthropy in a think tank): "Are you insinuating that I am a fool or a knave?"
Reply: "'Art," as Horace wrote, "holds the mirror up to nature.' What each of us sees in the mirror depends on the looking glass itself which is always flawed, our own features, and our vanity."
Angry Friend: "What makes you so great? You think you are better than me?"
Reply: "As a pimp and a whore in a bondage bordello, I am in no position to point fingers. There is nothing you have done that I have not done worse and for less money."
Angry Friend: "You have insulted me, and wounded me. You cause me and my reputation real hurt. You have cost me money."
Reply: "As the teacher must lash the truant, as the surgeon must lance the boil, as the mother must force medicine down the squalling child's throat, so the loving satirist nurtures and heals. It is our calling."
Angry Friend: "You are a sadist; you enjoy hurting people, don't you, you son of a bitch?"
Reply: "The surgeon like the hangman whistles while he works. I do love my job. It is my personal passion. My way of giving back to society."
Angry Friend: "You fucking asshole. I ought to smack you."
Reply: "We all begin as apprentices to this noble trade. As a beginner you must first endure what you will eventually dish out. Bend over, if you will. Let me show you how a good spanking is administered."
Angry Friend: Why you! I oughta..."
Reply: Remember, my friend, if you are to master another you must first master yourself. In that way you too might someday become a Dungeon Master the Stars."
That was as far as I got with my friend, Thrashymachus. His face flushed, whether with shame or fury, I don't know, and he stalked off. I wonder how it will all turn out.