Posted by The Deputy Editor, Laying Down The Law in Wealth Bondage
As we all know, the Author Function died hacked to death in his cell, an apparent suicide, while under the protection of the Forces of Homeland Freedom Optimization in what now appears to have been Guantanomo Bay, Cuba. As we also know, his characters, the Fetish Action Figures who make up the cast and crew of Wealth Bondage, took on lives of their own and began to speak, each one for himself or herself. Not least among these Traitors to Authorial Control, and to the Intentions of the Founder, was The Happy Tutor. It was only recently, that I was appointed Deputy Editor officially and began to impose ordered liberty on the lawless wealth bondage irregulars. Some doubt my authority. Some mock me. Some say I am freelancing, making it up as I go along. Well, a document has recently surfaced via Special Agent Morans, now head of the Homeland Security Christian Youth Brigades, that is clearly the final holographic will of the Author Function. He must have cut himself shaving or something because the will is not only in his own handwriting, but is spattered with his own blood, and contains what I am assured is his fingerprints. I present his document here to lay to rest any doubt as to our beloved Author Function's Intention. He clearly meant to grant me full authority in time of war to do what I as the deputy decider please, subject only to Candidia's own supervision. As for the Happy Tutor, the document speaks for itself. The AF calls him an "asshole," and that about sums it up.